Friday, November 28, 2014

Things they do in Hell

If Hell exists, I don't believe there is a "one Hell fits all". I think we each have our own personal Hell. I was reflecting on this while I was driving during a short snow squall on the way home from VA (which, being only November, is what got me thinking about Hell in the first place.) My Hell would look kind of like this, keeping in mind this could change frequently:

1. There would be t.v.'s. They would all be on, all the time, and would feature golf, Judge Judy and Fox News on a rotating basis.
2. The only sport available would be golf. But you couldn't play, you could only watch it...on one of those t.v.'s.
3. Every afternoon at 2, your job would be to paint a new ceiling, and that ceiling would be a popcorn ceiling.
4. All of your clothing would be the type of clothing that's been left in the washer for a little too long, giving it that stale, mildewy smell.
5. 24 hour a day country music. (Please let me go to Heaven.)
6. Pots of boiled cabbage and rhubarb on the stove, all day every day.
7. Hell neighbors who have habits such as: talking extremely loud about sensitive subjects (politics, religion...), make that "hocking" noise with their throats....constantly, wear shoes that squeak with every step, snap their gum, whine constantly about their health while they sit on their asses and eat crappy food.
8. Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" is the only song on the radio.
9. There is no coffee, orange juice, wine or pizza.
10. The only incoming calls to your cell phone are salespeople.

I reserve the right to add to this list.

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