Sometimes.

Sometimes you don't know what you're going to feel about a certain situation until you're in it. Then your reaction can surprise you and yet not surprise you at the same time. Like you knew it was a vague possibility, but the thought of having that particular reaction that crossed your mind for a minute was so terrifying that you immediately pushed it out of your mind, out of fear that you might will into happening. Sometimes you have to plan to act a certain way because you need to have that rescue net in place to ensure you won't go into that dark place. So you do, and it's not authentic at all, but at least it's a safe place to be.